On Favorite Teachers, “A Room Of One’s Own,” And Permission To Succeed

“A former teacher left writer Karen Houppert $75,000, and her meditation on the reasons why is a moving love letter to feminism, the spirit of collective action, and the impact a beloved mentor can have.”

Click to Read the Rest of the Article…

Welcome to the Gender Sanctuary

Hello all,

I’ve been pondering this rename of my website from helen-hill.com to gendersanctuary.com.  It’s been on my mind quite a bit.  As my practice has grown and developed, so have the need for additional resources and services for my clients and those who walk this unique path.

Each of us must find our way in this life.  Sometimes nature has a way of “shoving” us in a direction whether we think we are  “ready” or not.  Such is what happened in the case of my website.

You see, my website was hacked.  I dont’ know who did it or how, but it certainly was not nice.  My ISP has been very helpful and supportive, but the fact of the matter is, I have had to recreate my site from scratch in order to reset my security and make sure that there were no backdoors for the “bad guys” to enter.

I had reserved the name “genderSanctuary” for over a year now and been pondering how to use it and when.  It seems that circumstances have dictated that NOW is the time.  While the opportunity came up in an unexpected way, I can also say that I am glad and relieved to take this next step in creating new services and resources for those individuals who are “gender gifted.”

Stay tuned, and watch the web site as the genderSanctuary takes flight!

http://www.genderSanctuary.com

Quote of the Day – 10/20/09

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.”

- Charles Swindoll

A Body Larger Than Life

“As a comic, Billi Gordon used his girth to get laughs. Now it’s imprisoning him, but he plans a breakout.

“Billi Gordon is 6 feet 1 and weighed 701 pounds when he was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center last month. Offering directions to his room, he couldn’t resist adding, “I will be the large black man in the hospital bed.”

“For most of his adult life, he has been that large black man, never denying his girth, using it to disarm and entertain, creating a theatrical comedy career — in drag — before pursuing research in neuroscience.”

Click to read the rest of the article in the LA Times…

Acceptance and Loss and Being Yourself

“If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater.” – Anonymous

“The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain.” – Jennifer Aniston

I’m in a reflective mood today.  Perhaps even a bit nostalgic.  You see, even therapists have real lives.  I face the same things any other person faces: successes and failures, courage and fear, love and loss.  We are all affected by the ebb and flow of life.  None of us can or should escape from our feelings during changes in one’s life.

I have experienced a recent loss of a dear relative.  I say this not to evoke sympathy, but to share the experience of love and loss.  This individual was an accepting, loving person.  Indeed, she was there for me when it seemed no one else was; when it seemed that there was no acceptance to be found, at one time in my life, even within myself.

She taught me a lot about acceptance of one’s self and one’s flaws.  She conveyed important truths that though one may not understand why decisions are made and how, acceptance and love do not require that we understand all things.  Acceptance and love require that we are okay with “not knowing” but being willing to let things unfold over time.

So often in life the drive for validation can be a terrible burden.  It can derail relationships.  It can create a distance or chasm between relationships that need not be there.  Seeking validation from others can be a huge deception, because it puts an unfair burden on those who would want to love us anyway, and it keeps us from facing ourselves and growing into an acceptance of who we are.

The unrelenting drive for validation prevents one from being loved.

My aunt taught me that validation is not her job.  That was my job.  Her “job” was to be herself.  Being able to accept one’s self enables you to love and accept others.

That was the lesson she taught by how she lived.

In the end, life is not how others value you, it is how you value yourself.

The most important lesson, the greatest challenge, with the sweetest reward.

RIP Aunt Pat.

Quote of the Day

“I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.”

- Leonardo Da Vinci

Right Stuff, Wrong Sex: NASA’s Lost Female Astronauts

from Wired Magazine:

“They were all extraordinary women and outstanding pilots and great candidates for what was proposed,” said Donald Kilgore, a doctor who evaluated both male and female space flight candidates at the Lovelace Clinic, a mid-century center of aeromedical research. “They came out better than the men in many categories.”

Click to Read the Rest of the Article…

Quote of the Day

“Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense.”

- Mark Overby

NY Times: The New Gender Gap

“At first blush, the history of women in the workplace seems a trajectory of success. From the assumption that they would be secretaries to the expectation that they can be C.E.O.’s, they have crashed through ceilings (though not enough of them), made workplaces more flexible (not completely, but significantly) and transformed the face of work. They have gone from holding 34.9 percent of all jobs 40 years ago to 49.8 percent today. They are on track to hold more than half of them any moment now; it might have happened while you were reading this.

“Under other circumstances, that would be cause for celebration. But women have gained this latest bit of ground mostly because men have lost it — 78 percent of the jobs lost during this recession were held by men.”

Click to read the entire article…

Quote of the Day

“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.”

- Joseph Conrad