You know, sometimes life is just really strange. You meet new people in your life, hit it off really well, and hope that you get to spend more time with them in the future. And then they just DISAPPEAR! No warning. No hand signals. No “your body odor really puts me off” or any kind of markers that say, “Danger, Will Robinson!” Just gone.
Even as a therapist, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that. There will always be questions in the back of my mind. What did I say? What did I do? What didn’t I say? What didn’t I do? And so on and so forth. It just happens that way sometimes.
I’ve learned in my old age to quit blaming myself when friendships or relationships don’t work out. And I’ve hopefully learned not to blame the other too. Life takes us on different roads and different times. Sometimes people grow together. Sometimes people grow apart. And sometimes, nothing happens at all.
Relationships are weird. They are a concoction of chance meetings or planned ones, fortuitous accidents on the road of life. They can start with a bang or a whimper. And they can be wonderful even for the brief duration that they exist. And then, “Poof!”, they are gone.
And sometimes, all analysis aside, there is no good or bad reason why relationships and friendships “disappear.” I have to accept that life is like that. I’ll have to also accept that I may never know the why. And that’s probably the most difficult aspect of all; to accept NOT KNOWING.
I have never liked “not knowing”, but I am getting better about accepting my part in all of this human endeavor, and in not putting myself “on hold” waiting for an answer that may likely never come. It is imperative that in any relationship people be free to choose to be with each other, not forced by shame, guilt, fear, or custom. Relationships without the freedom to “choose” are not relationships at all.
A tough path, but all-in-all, the right one.