From LA Weekly: By Steve Friess Thursday, Aug 19 2010
Christine Daniels lay inert. The ash-blond hair that once framed a face envied by her peers was now an unwashed tangle hiding an inexorable melancholy. Her stomach was in sharp, constant pain and her mind was heavy with guilt. She ate, showered and dressed only when her caretaker demanded she do so, which was why she was in what seemed like a trance when she spoke.
“Do you know what today was supposed to be?” Daniels asked her doting friend, Amy LeCoe.
“What was today supposed to be?” LeCoe responded.
“It’s the day I was supposed to have my surgery.”
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And lastly, my comment on the article:
“As a therapist who works with gender variant individuals I found this article gut-wrenching, heart-rending, and accurate. I was not a therapist for Mike/Christine and I have no comments regarding his/her therapy as I know nothing about what therapy M/C may have availed for himself/herself. As so many posters have well noted, transition is both gains and losses. And it is often the single most challenging task the person will face in their life. It is enough to simply get through transition alive and out the other “end”, so to speak. Publicity, in my experience, does NOT HELP the individual who is transitioning. And expectations of continuing loving relationships from “before transition” are often unrealistic and should be addressed in therapy.
The numbers from one study indicate that only 11% of transsexuals are able to maintain the spousal relationship after transition. That means that 89% of us (me too) end up losing relationships as the price to admitting the truth about ourselves and dealing with it. Indeed, it is NOT fair to expect a partner to continue with us when we have changed the nature of intimacy and vulnerability. Our partner must have the right to their own self-determination as well. Transition is not just for transsexuals. It affects our partners, our children, our loved ones, our friends, our workplace, and all human interactions. And each person must decide for themselves if they will be along for the ride, without judgment or hate or bigotry or self-loathing.
Unfortunately, the world we live in doesn’t make it easy for transsexuals or those we love. Relationships do end. And relationships begin anew. And those who choose to continue with us, and those who we meet along the way, are a precious gift indeed; for they accept us for who we are. Those who go away must make their own path and figure out if acceptance would have really been as horrible as their own fears led them to believe. RIP Mike/Christine”